Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my moral compass just broke
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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