sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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