I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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