apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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