You're so nebulous sometimes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
