I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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