MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
