Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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