I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You made out with two different species that night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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