so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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