True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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