I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.