Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
