Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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  (212): so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is. http://tfl.nu/r3y5
  Replies (8) Good night (905) Bad night (1520)
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  (209): View more from California

  is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?

  (1-209): View more from California

  yes...dear jesus what did you do?

  (209): View more from California

  bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.

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  (209): is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers? (1-209): yes...dear jesus what did you do? (209): bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off. http://tfl.nu/27hf
  Replies (56) Good night (4905) Bad night (911)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....

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  (501): so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened.... http://tfl.nu/g3ve
  Replies (39) Good night (706) Bad night (6505)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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  (865): And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly. http://tfl.nu/a3gz
  Replies (21) Good night (5903) Bad night (858)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize

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  (403): I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize http://tfl.nu/xooj
  Replies (17) Good night (4191) Bad night (1530)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.

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  (402): The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier. http://tfl.nu/7vbg
  Replies (8) Good night (807) Bad night (3357)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.

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  (703): I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault. http://tfl.nu/ytww
  Replies (5) Good night (2984) Bad night (1403)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.

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  (281): Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons. http://tfl.nu/y27y
  Replies (6) Good night (3235) Bad night (721)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.

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  (910): Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood. http://tfl.nu/yy48
  Replies (4) Good night (685) Bad night (1608)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.

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  (720): I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice. http://tfl.nu/c8dh
  Replies (9) Good night (1202) Bad night (444)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.

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  (410): Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark. http://tfl.nu/6rlc
  Replies (1) Good night (891) Bad night (560)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.

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  (904): You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/4wr7
  Replies (9) Good night (853) Bad night (453)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?

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  (202): Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance? http://tfl.nu/xp3g
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (320)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.

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  (319): Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth. (1-319): And in your bra. It was quite entertaining. http://tfl.nu/axvu
  Replies (1) Good night (623) Bad night (239)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.

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  (717): I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve. http://tfl.nu/zwzg
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (250)

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