party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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