my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??