Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.