My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.