3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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