He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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