There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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