i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
