sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
