I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize