i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
