Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize