Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
