its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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