I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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