It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
