you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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