Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
