the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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