never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
