he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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