I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
