so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
