its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
