i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
