turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
