Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
