Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
