is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
