possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
wow bdsm is so cute
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
