I am spending my child support on dildos
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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