just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
