after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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