In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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