You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
