He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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