He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
