Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize