took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
