3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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