Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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