How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
