people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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