Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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