I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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