She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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