All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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