He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
