I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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