I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pooping to opera.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
