did you get engaged???
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
