The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
